A Funny Little Feeling

Since the day Donovan McNabb was traded to the Washington Redskins, I looked forward to the day that he would make his return to Philly. Even more so, I hoped and rooted for a huge Redskins victory and a career day from McNabb. I even secretly wished he would give the middle finger to the crowd, just as a final thank you for all the loving support they've shown since the day he was drafted.

Donovan McNabb is gone and 

I don't know how to feel.

I really was prepared to do the unthinkable: hope for a bone crushing Eagles loss.

I spent almost the whole summer getting ready for it: preparing my Andy Reid lard in the brain jokes, calling Joe Banner a cheapskate, making apparently racist (really?) Corn on the Kolb quips and throwing in gratuitous shots at Jason Peters for good measure.

Things were going swimmingly too. Corn on the Kolb was terrible in preseason, Andy Reid kept the hard sell through training camp and the first half against Green Bay made me think “When did we trade for Alex Smith?”

Then Reid did something I never thought I would see him do: fold to the outside pressure and start Mike Vick.

My fandom of Mike Vick has been well documented in the brief existence of The People Say Booyah. I felt he was wrongly treated by the media who wanted to crucify him like he was the second incarnation of Timothy McVeigh, which is why I firmly stood in his corner (which is why a small part of me is happy that the three PETA protesters outside of every Eagles home game take crap like they were wearing Tony Romo jerseys).

This turn of events threw a complete monkey wrench into my treasonous plans to root against my beloved team. I was completely prepared to sit on my high horse and as the great Jason Whitlock says cackle and roll a blunt as Reid’s handpicked successor, Corn on the Kolb, struggled even though he had really not shown anything that he had the ability to succeed the greatest quarterback the franchise has ever seen (and please, for the life of me, do not bring up those two games from last season. It makes me want to throw things. He threw three picks against New Orleans and embarrassed a Kansas City defense that noted terrible quarterback David Garrard played well against. So that’s that).

But with Vick at the helm, the story completely changes. I don’t want Vick to fail like I wanted Corn on the Kolb to fail (though wanting Corn on the Kolb to fail has everything to do with the misguided decision by the front office and wanting to see it explode in their faces and not reflective of my opinion of Corn on the Kolb). Instead, I want Vick to do very well.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

There are conflicted feelings everywhere: on one hand, I want everything about this Eagles season to fail, just so Reid and the entire front office eat crow about the McNabb trade (though with Coach Reid, it’s probably already been eaten). Then on the other hand, I want Vick to be successful so all the fanatical animal-rights activists can have their heads explode (though most of them are caring, reasonable people, Jen Utley notwithstanding). But on my third hand, I want McNabb to rub his junk in the face of the hateful fan majority (though there has been some revisionist history that most people in Philadelphia liked McNabb. If you think that’s true, Bernie Madoff has stock to sell you). Then on my fourth hand, there’s always that little bit of unchecked optimism that this could be the year: a true year of destiny, a resurrection of the city and a quarterback once thought to be no more of a gimmick. So if you’re counting at home, I look like Goro from Mortal Kombat.

And when it comes down to it, there’s only one spot I can put my cheering alliance. As much as I liked McNabb, he: 1.) isn’t my favorite Philadelphia athlete ever (it’s still Iverson, though the longer the end of his career goes like this, it might have to be reconsidered) and 2.) he can’t supercede the team if he didn’t virtually singlehandedly drive a team to a championship in a Drew Brees/D.Wade circa 2006 way. It also doesn’t help that he’s coming off his annual “bad loss vs. inferior team on the road game” against St. Louis last week.

But that also doesn’t mean that I won’t give McNabb the biggest ovation from my dorm room that I’ve ever given or that I’m rooting for him to have an amazing game, because I most certainly will be.

But when the game starts, everything could change. I could realize that I’m not ready to break up with Donovan. I really don’t know. All I know is he’s coming home and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Adjusting to Life with Kevin Kolb

Life as an Eagles fan has changed

with Kevin Kolb on board.

The writing was on the wall in 2007. The Eagles decided against getting immediate help in the draft, traded out of the first round with the Cowboys, giving a hated rival an impact player who made big plays in the playoff debacle this past January (Anthony Spencer), and drafted some quarterback from Houston that no one had heard of. Donovan McNabb had to know right then and there that he was not going to finish his career as an Eagle.

And even though there were still some magical moments left (the late season run in 2008 that should have culminated in a Super Bowl berth. Alas…), it wasn’t going to change that. McNabb would wear another team’s jersey.

Even though we’ve had three years to prepare for this, having the team turned over to Kevin Kolb doesn’t seem quite right, especially to a McNabb guy like myself. This is McNabb’s team, the franchise he helped to build almost singlehandedly on offense (to look back at some of the receiving corps from the early aughts is an exercise laughter, pain and front office incompetence. The Eagles would have been better suited starting horse dung at WR. At least dung could beat a press). He won a ton of games and got to the playoffs a lot. Simply put, he is the greatest player in Eagles history and you won’t convince me differently.

But that is all in the past, and Corn on the Kolb (yes, this is how I will refer to Kevin Kolb from now on. Deal with it) takes the reins of a team that could have been poised to make yet another run at a championship with that other guy. Everything about this Eagles season rests on his shoulders.

Yeah there are major defensive questions and there is an offensive line that can’t block J-Woww (Jason Peters is officially my least favorite Eagle ever, surpassing James Thrash, Todd Pinkston and Mark Simoneau. I hate Jason Peters. He only played well for two quarters for the whole season, in the first Dallas game, and then promptly got injured. Any half-decent defensive end consistently beats him. Ralphie May would be a better choice at left tackle. At least we got him in a bargain basement deal. Wait, we’re paying him $60 million dollars? And traded a first-round pick? @#%&!). But if Corn on the Kolb is good, the Eagles will be good. Good quarterbacks are always in contention. Period.

So, is Corn on the Kolb good? Andy Reid has gone out on the limb for this guy, risking his job if this guy stinks (That is the underrated part of this trade. Not that Reid had the arrogance to trade McNabb within the division. That’s the Reid I know. But for him to put his career and job security on the line for a guy with four touchdowns and seven interceptions either shows that he is the most arrogant coach to never win a championship in the history of sports or he really believes that Corn on the Kolb is really good).

It’s obviously a question we can’t answer now. I’m not going to judge him on his limited mop-up duty (where he stunk), two starts last season (where there were flashes) and underwhelming preseason (where the entire team stinks). That’s not right. But there are a few things we do know. And everything is now different surrounding the Eagles.

First of all, there is the perception of what Kevin Kolb is as a player. He is the more traditional west-coast offense quarterback. He doesn’t have the huge arm of McNabb but he is more accurate and better suited for Reid’s offense which will focus more on underneath routes and YAC (which is really bad for DeSean Jackson fantasy owners. At 5’11”, 98 pounds, Jackson isn’t really suited to be running the slants and other short routes over the middle. He’s too small. He won’t last. Without the guy who bombs away deep, Jackson’s production will suffer. You watch). He has a quick release, doesn’t hold the ball, blah blah blah. But then again, he doesn’t have the mobility to escape the rush and make the big plays downfield. But again, too early to judge what he does and doesn’t have.

But off the field is where this gets fascinating. He has a “fiery” demeanor, a “competitive spirit”  he takes the game so seriously, he’s willing to get in someones face, and all the other clichés that give Mark Schlereth orgasms. This comes in stark contrast to what we had with #5. McNabb was loosey-goosey, always joking, and one his lasting images will be smiling at Tampa Bay linebackers in the 2001 playoffs, which people made a big deal about, but I could care less (I will, however, not miss the throwing up the field. Washington can have that).

Which brings us to the heart of life with Kevin Kolb: the fans. Eagles fans will eat that stuff up. Even if Corn on the Kolb throws an interception, they’ll enjoy seeing him get frustrated on the sideline. If a receiver drops a pass, they’ll be happy to see him get angry at the guy. He is the complete opposite of McNabb. The difference between the two makes them excited.

Everyone knew what they were getting in McNabb. The Eagles would be highly competitive in the regular season, challenge for the division title, maybe get a bye and make some moves in the playoffs. However, those moves probably wouldn’t include a Super Bowl title, because after 11 years, they hadn’t.

And people were sick of the monotony of competitiveness (which probably sounds really strange to a Browns fan). It was like the Tiger Woods-Elin Woods partnership. Tiger, the Eagles fans, knew they had a pretty good thing in Elin or Donovan. She was good-looking, gave us some good moments, and when we walked in the room, people knew that we were big time. However, Tiger/Eagles fans got bored by that. He wanted to dabble in something else, get a little change, even if it was something not as attractive, for the sole purpose that it was different. Tiger (Eagles fans) don’t have some contrived problem like a deep-seeded hatred for Donovan or a sex addiction, just a longing for a new excitement.

And that’s why so many people are behind the move. They reached that Tiger level of boredom: “Yeah this is great, but I need something new and I could care less if it’s a grenade.”

And it’s exactly why I’m not behind the move. Why trade away annual playoff appearances? Why give up on an era prematurely? In the playoffs, anything can happen: what if this is was the year? Why go out and grab Rachel Uchitel when you have a hot Swede?

I kind of liked the fact that the team was predictable. I think it’s kind of exciting to always be in contention. Yeah the frustration sucks. Yeah the frustration may get the best of me and I may or may not write some things sharing the sentiments I now loathe. But when the season got close to starting I had that satisfaction of knowing that my team would be good. Not the best, but good. So again, why?

You do it because there is the chance that this could turn out like the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie/Jen Anniston triangle. Obviously Pitt upgraded when he went with Jolie: she makes major bank, keeps the profile astronomically high with the humanitarian stuff and is one of the five biggest stars, period. What if McNabb is Anniston and becomes a complete wreck after the breakup? What if Kolb is Jolie and ready to take life to the next level?

That uncertainty that some people find exhilarating, I think sucks, which puts me in the weird position of maybe/maybe not rooting for the Eagles with my full heart. On the one hand, I’m an Eagles guy through and through, with memorabilia all over my dorm room and a fan since Papa West first explained to be the down system in 1998 as Bobby Hoying was throwing interceptions. But on the other hand, I (like my aforementioned father), want to see the Eagles have to pay for their arrogance. For believing that it is their own brilliance that keeps this team going from year to year. For trading the only quarterback I’ve really known and ending a successful era well before McNabb was done as a quarterback.

But at the end of the day, the Eagles come first (the only time I’ll root against them is when McNabb returns to Philly. I hope he goes crazy. Like Paris Hilton on cocaine crazy). Corn on the Kolb will have my support. I’ll give him the chance to be the next great QB. I’ll give him the chance to be a crappy QB. Uncertain is life with Corn on the Kolb.